Three buddies, David, Solomon and Jacob die in a car crash, God forbid. But they were good Jews so they go to Heaven and are ushered into Heaven’s orientation. They are each asked, “When you are in your casket and friends and family are mourning upon you, what would you like to hear them say about you?” David says, “I would like to hear them say that I was a great doctor of my time, and a great family man.” Solomon says, “I would like to hear that I was a wonderful husband and school teacher which made a huge difference in our children of tomorrow.”
Jacob replies, “I would like to hear them say… LOOK, LOOK! HE’S MOVING!!!”
A clergyman was walking down the street when he came upon a group of a few boys about 10 years of age, surrounding a dog. Concerned that the boys were hurting the animal, he went over and asked them what they were doing. One of the boys replied, “This dog is an old neighborhood stray. We take him home with us sometimes, but only one of us can take him home. So we’re having a contest: whichever one of us tells the biggest lie can take him home today.” Of course, the Reverend was shocked. “You boys shouldn’t be having a contest telling lies!” he exclaimed. He then launched into a 10-minute sermon against lying, beginning, “Don’t you boys know it’s a sin to lie?” and ending with, “Why, when I was your age, I never told a lie.” There was complete silence for about a minute. As the Reverend smiled with satisfaction that he’d gotten through to them, the smallest boy gave a deep sigh. “All right,” he said, “give him the dog.”
I Moose Tell You – Happy Hanukkah.